Just admit it! You’ve silently commended yourself for doing something better than other women. ‘I can’t believe that mom let her kid go to school looking like that!’ Or you’re scrolling through Instagram and see a pic of another mom & her family while the room in the background is a mess and you cringe. I would never let my house get that bad! Never mind that poor woman has a newborn and older child and is operating on little to no sleep. God forbid you to remember the disaster area your house used to be in those days, or on any day when you are sleep deprived, to be honest!
Who misses sleep more than a mother? I’m gonna go out on a limb and say, Nobody! I don’t care if you work the night shift or you have insomnia. A mother trains to operate on a less than optimal amount of sleep. Not by choice…oh no! I’m not up binge watching the Walking Dead or out partying with friends. No. If I’m up late or wake up early it’s to get done the many things I need to do but don’t have enough tie in the day to do. Things such as cleaning, maybe wash my hair, or enjoy a half hour of solitude. Solitude, what’s that? That’s when the house is all quiet and you get to be alone with your thoughts. Your thoughts, and not while entertaining the noise of nick toons or the Disney channel in the background or having to hear the constant droning of ‘Mom? Mama? Mommy?’
But Why Are Moms So Tired?
Moms don’t get sleep by default. Whether they are up all night with a teething baby or a school-aged child struggling with night terrors, they are awake when they should be sleeping. Then on top of the sleepless nights, we force ourselves to wake up really early or stay up late to take care of our homes. Because let’s face it that is a woman’s domain. Wait! Don’t hang me just yet. Hear me out. I mean that women are often judged by the cleanliness of their homes and by how well-managed they are.
If we don’t keep your home clean or get lax on the cooking & laundry then we’re considered a lazy, good-for-nothing wife/mother by society. Yes, even husbands judge by this standard, yet they tend to be more sympathetic since they live in the homes and see most of what goes on. Plus, they’ve learned over the years to NOT SAY ANYTHING OR ELSE.
The primary critics casting severe judgments on your poor housekeeping are other women!! Even your own mother can be the emotional-injury-causing, condescending, insulting female offender. But really? Women and mothers in competition? That can’t be true!
Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better!
Oh, but it is. All of my life I’ve been aware of this silent one-upmanship that takes place between females. This was the primary reason I avoided female friendships throughout my early years of schooling. It was too much drama.
As I got older, I saw less of the competition and more of the benefit, the camaraderie, and feminine relativity that accompanied female friendships. So I naively assumed that the one-upmanship games were over. Boy, was I wrong. I saw the competition become more covert and take on the issues of adult life instead of only the superficial.
For example, when a major life event happens such as someone gets engaged or pregnant then a shift in the friendship playing field occurs. You are forced to adjust and find a new normal within your current group of lady friends, oftentimes realizing that being married while your friends are single or being a mother while your friends are not is a widening gulf of a difference. It may lead to you having to find new friendships that are based on mutual commonalities.
I’m not saying it’s easy. In fact, many have found it even more difficult to make new friends as an adult. But we women need each other. Only women can relate to our unique personal experiences in life, whether it’s hormonal changes, societal & familial expectations, or the different roles we play such as being a mother and all that comes with it.
♀ Women vs. ♂ Men
When we acknowledge that society treats us differently, placing undue pressures on us and measuring us by unfair standards; which we then measure ourselves and other women by, it brings clarity to the filter we’ve used to view our world. Women are important. What we do and give to the world brings life and cannot be done by anyone else. So let’s value this role and put away our critical lenses.
We could all use some grace. Yes, all of us. Please don’t judge me because my house is a mess this week and my laundry pile is a mountain. I’ve been dealing with a teething baby and 2 other children. Honestly, whatever the reason may be, even if there is no reason besides you didn’t feel like it. Let’s give grace to get grace, and give mercy to get mercy.
When Did You Realize You Were A Woman?
During this International Women’s Month we’ve had some pretty heated discussions on the topic of being a woman and how we experience life in our mothers’ discussion Facebook group called Mercy over Judgment. We shared our individual stories of when we realized we were women, which meant that the world would treat us differently.
Ask yourself and the women you know, when did you realize you were a woman? Was it a slap in the face or a good moment? How did it make you feel? Did it cause you to look at the world differently?
For many of us, the recent presidential election showed the glaring difference between the standards men & women are measured by. Another similar event was that of the Women’s March. This event showed how strong and effective we can be when we work together instead of competing against one another.
Check out our FB Live Moms Talk below and leave your story in the comments. I’d love to hear from you all.
Needing New Mom Friends?
I want to encourage you moms who are in that transition period of outgrowing old friendships and are in need of new adult friendships. It does get easier. Don’t subscribe to the lies of I can handle it all by myself so who needs friends or my husband is my best friend. We need girlfriends too! They enrich our lives and can better relate to our feelings, hormonal changes, and emotional responses better than men can.
Put yourselves out there. Go out on a limb. It is worth the effort. Try getting involved at your local library. They often offer baby play or story reading classes where you can connect with other mothers who have young babies also. Or seek out local groups on Facebook and other sites based on things you are interested in or another commonality (such as being a mom). Join our Mercy over Judgment Mothers Discussion group and connect with other mothers. It’s a positive environment full of support and encouragement…And No Judgment.
Let’s face it, we are better together!